The spectrum of male admiration/attraction for strong women and female muscularity and how to react to different levels of (sometimes unwanted) attention
No, it’s not an article, just some thoughts:
- For some guys we are disgusting. For some, we are pretty. For some, we are VERY pretty, meaning very sexually attractive. That’s ok – everything is ok. We can (and some will) write dissertations on the social determinants for each. It won’t change the fact that these are somewhat socially stable phenomena.
- If someone is disgusted by our appearance and doesn’t insult us, it’s ok. If there is direct verbal aggression, it’s not ok. A direct, extremely proper and polite response (usually interpreted as condescending, but who gives a fuck) is usually enough to terminate all interaction.
- If someone expresses curiosity, as in “excuse me, ma’am, are you a bodybuilder or other type of athlete?”, it is paranoid and inappropriate to act defensively or aggressively. More than that, it is a waste of a precious educational opportunity to share information about the health and athletic aspects of strength. Just answer the question as nicely and positively as possible. Now I also invite them to visit BrewHouse Barbell🙂
- If someone (male) expresses admiration, bordering flirtation or not, it is still inappropriate to react aggressively. Again, it is an opportunity to educate and it may be an opportunity to gain a client (for whatever it is we offer). I usually politely introduce myself in a very formal and professional way (and hand them my card). That is enough to communicate my sexual unavailability, almost always. Creeps are less frequent than we think.
- If we are faced with a true on-ground (versus digital) stalker, creep or some other freak, then we are in trouble. It’s impossible to predict their behavior because we have unwillingly become their object of whatever: wish to touch? Desire to fuck? Need to destroy? All of these are scary perspectives. And it’s time to seek police help. Police is always helpful. Facing them is stupid and dangerous.
- Digital unwanted approaches are very easy to handle. Deleting is usually quite enough. Most guys that approach me have no idea who I actually am: they are just shooting at every muscular woman they find and sending messages. If you don’t reply and delete the conversation, 95% of the times you’ll never hear from him again. If not, there’s an infallible reply: “Hello, this is an automatic response. If you need to reach Dr. Coutinho, our team will reply as soon as possible at the email [email protected].
Jennifer.” No, I have no team handling my media and Jennifer, Fernanda and Adam are fictional assistants. It works! It also works for people trying to get free service from me. In this case, Jennifer sends a link to my webpage with the service and prices. They never write back.